Weddings are times of great emotion in all families. Love, anticipation, tension, anxiety, gratitude, anger all appear to greater or lesser degrees. Sometimes these emotions cloud our view and make us lose sight of the larger picture. Let's remember that Todd is marrying Taylor. This is their wedding, and they should be the ones with the final say. Because there are so many parties involved here, with so many different conflicting agendas, the guidelines need to be set out. It is true that the person paying the bills is usually the one with the final say, but Glen needs to take about three giant steps back, and try to step out of his shoes and into those of his son.

Glen would like his family to welcome Yvette with open arms, and it sounds like there has been some resistance, particularly from his mother Janet. The wedding party is not the arena to play this out. I would urge Glen and all other family members concerned to focus on the bride and groom and take their cues from them. It is their wedding, their party, and we as parents, need to step out of the limelight, and let them star. In this family the issue is the wedding guests. In other families the issue might be the color scheme, the caterer, the date, the band - the list is endless. The underlying issues have to do with control and with letting go.

It is tempting to use money as the "stick" to hold people in line. This would be a colossal mistake. Once we decide to give a gift, we need to give it wholeheartedly. One of the big lessons we as parents have to learn is how to let go, and how to let our kids grow up and make their own decisions. Marriage is one more giant step in that direction. If Glen insists on controlling his children with money and gifts he will find that this will quickly boomerang, and that relations with his children and children-in-law will become strained and tense.

This is a wonderful time in the life of families to learn how to incorporate new people into the family, as well as to learn new patterns of behavior. It is not an easy time, but it can be a time of growth and development. Glen may indeed have to deal with some uncomfortable feelings if Todd and Taylor decide to invite Allison. He is a grownup, and if he can stay focused on the joy of the young couple, he should be able to overcome them.