Joe Jr. walks into the kitchen and notices his stepsister Judith.
Joe Jr.:
Well, if it isn't Her Royal Highness. What?!! The Princess is eating with the commoners?
Judith continues eating while reading a book, ignoring him
Joe Jr.:
Oh, Princess Judy refuses to speak. What's the matter, us low-life Kutchinskys too ethnic for you ? Our foreign soil too humble?
Judith, 16, (turning another page and sipping her coffee, says in a cold voice):
Joe, you've become so literate. Tell me, which of your favorite drugs has enriched your vocabulary?
Joe Jr.:
One that could do you some good, your Uptight-ness. On second thought, I don't know if there's any drug that could loosen you up.
Judith (closing her book):
Tell me, Joe, why do you need so much loosening up? Do you hate yourself that much? Not that I don't understand why.
Joe Jr. (getting angry):
No, Princess Freud, it's you I can't stand. From the moment you arrived I knew it was the biggest mistake my father ever made, although your mother certainly upgraded her life. It was a smart move - catching a doctor for a second marriage, considering what her husband - your father - did for a living, or should I say "didn't do."
Judith (angrily):
Leave my mother out of this. You don't deserve a woman like her for a mother...
Joe Jr. (escalating):
Don't you talk about what I deserve! If you knew what we had before, you wouldn't dare show your faces in our home...
Chris Kutchinsky, 14, (enters in very short skirt, heavy make-up, punky hair):
Hey, Judith, you beatin' up on my big brother, again?
Judith:
Who asked you to get involved? Ugh. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to put on make-up? You look like you belong to the Addams Family. (To herself) I curse the day my mother decided to marry into this family of wierdos.
Joe Jr.:
Well, that's one thing, your Highness, that we all agree upon.
Malcolm Austen, 8 (enters with yo-yo):
Hey, what's there to eat?
Judith:
God, you're such a pig! Do all English twerps stuff themselves like you? My Dad has to work overtime to feed you Austens!
Judith:
Your dad!? It's my mother who's breaking her back to support this family. She never worked this hard when we were on our own.
Petie Kutchinsky, 11, (enters):
Is there anything to eat?
Judith:
I would think a computer genius like yourself should surely be able to download dinner from the Net.
Judith:
Get off his case! You wouldn't know a floppy disk from a frying pan!
Petie:
When are Mom and Dad coming home?
Judith:
Don't call my mother "Mom." She's not your mother.
Joseph and Pamela Kutchinsky enter
Pamela (sighs):
Stop it you two - can't you at least make an effort to get on with each other?
Joe Jr.:
Yeah, maybe if you ship Her Royal Highness back to a British dungeon, we'll get a little peace around here. Are all British girls such uptight princesses?
Joseph (quietly):
Joe stop it. I'm sick and tired of this constant fighting. I know you don't like it, but this is the way it is. Just keep your nastiness to yourself. I don't want it in this house.
Joe Jr.:
Oh, so I'm the fall guy. Look man, I didn't ask you to marry that woman. I'm leaving. (Sound of door slamming.)
Judith:
Mum, I'm sorry, but I can't take this anymore. You see what a creep he is. Let me go back home to boarding school or something.
Pamela:
No, that's not the answer. It's like Joseph said, "This is the way it is." It will take time, but you'll get used to it.
Judith:
Never! I won't get used to something that's not my decision.
Petie and Mac (in unison):
What's there to eat?
Next Episode: Scene 2: Pamela Confronts Judith
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