Losing a parent, at any age, is difficult and painful. It clearly marks the "end of innocence" for us as children. Our aloneness and vulnerability become painfully clear. Most of us face this emptiness as a natural consequence of our own aging process. Usually the tragedy and loss of one's parent is forestalled until such a time as we have created alternate sources for our unconditional love, which often help us to put the pain into some sort of 'acceptable' perspective.

My dad and I get into so many stupid little fights its not funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag for him to take out his anger on. My mom and I get along great but sometimes it gets a little ugly, but we work it out. With my dad, I can hold a grudge forever. My mom tells me that his parents were really strict and hard on him, but I don't think he should take it out on me.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a mother of three children, ages four-months, two- and three-years-old. Their father and I are having difficulty coming to an agreement on discipline for our two- and three year-old-daughters. I feel that you should remain calm, talk it out and if talking doesn't work then use time-outs, and if all else fails, they receive a spanking (w/o physical pain). Then I tell them "Mommy doesn't like to spank, but if you don't act like a good girl mommy has to help. I love you and need you to behave so we don't have to do this." I normally don't have to go past talking. Their father, on the other hand, tends to be less willing to talk it out.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a 46-year-old male who is about to be remarried. My fiance is divorced with an 11-year-old daughter. The court has awarded joint custody to my fiance? and her ex-husband (one week with one, the next with the other). My problem is that the ex-husband is threatening the child with loss of love if the daughter chooses to live with her mother. The daughter has said that to both my fiance and me. It appears now that the daughter is being used as a pawn against my fiance.

Q: I am a divorced father with three boys. My youngest is 11. He is the subject of this request. My girlfriend has two children, the youngest of whom is also an 11-year-old boy. My girlfriend is a wonderful, caring mother. I feel I am a caring father. My son is very small for his age, so I am not used to him being a bully of any kind. My girlfriend's son is bigger and more physical than my son and tends towards being very active. My son says mean things to him, like that he's retarded, or that I really don't like him, just his mom.

Losing a parent, at any age, is difficult and painful. It clearly marks the "end of innocence" for us as children. Our aloneness and vulnerability become painfully clear. Most of us face this emptiness as a natural consequence of our own aging process. If we are lucky, the tragedy and loss of a parent is forestalled until we have created alternate sources for unconditional love. That often helps us to put the pain into some sort of acceptable perspective. However, when this type of loss occurs prematurely, there is often no opportunity for reflection, or guides willing and available to help instruct us in a healthy mourning process.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have been married for 27 years and have three children and two grandchildren. For the past four years, I have had nothing but difficulty with each of my children. My 22-year-old son is spoiled and abusive and one of my daughters stole $6,000 from me while she was pregnant. My eldest daughter lies to me in order to get what she wants, but I have to overlook her behavior since I want to continue to have a relationship with her children.

Dear WholeFamily, My wife and I have been married for 30 years, I am 51 and she is 50. We still love each other very much, but the romance in our marriage is almost completely gone. We have not had sex now in over eight weeks and that pattern has existed now for almost two years. She has told me point blank that she is not interested in sex anymore. This change in her began again almost two years ago when her boss at work passed away and when she had her hysterectomy. I still am very interested in her sexually and love her very much. Is there anything I can do to change her outlook? Dear Frustrated, It's difficult to argue with your wife's biology.

My husband and I have been having the same problems for years. But just recently, within the last year, we came very close to divorce. It feels like no matter what I do things just are never all that calm. When working part-time and going to school, or when we had kids and I stayed home, he was still not satisfied. Now that I'm working full-time it's still the same. He seems to expect me to take care of the home front no matter what the situation.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have been married 15 years and have two children, ages six and 14. Over the past 15 years, every time my wife has found things about the marriage or me that she doesn't like, she has either said that she has no love for me, or that she wants a divorce. Each time I have accepted blame and fault for the problems, and have made numerous promises to change. I have finally realized that throughout our marriage I have been the first to apologize and amend.