I have a hard time talking to my wife about money. She says it makes her nervous - that she can't handle it. I believe her. We relate to money so differently. Growing up, money was always there for me, my family had plenty. Hers was always in debt. Owing money scares her but it doesn't bother me at all. I'm confident I'll pay it off eventually
When my wife puts pressure on me to go out and find work, I just want to go to bed and lie down. I can't handle it when people put pressure on me; I either get depressed or rebel. It's probably because my mother was all over me, trying to make me do whatever she wanted. I'm still rebelling against her. I just don't like doing things when someone else is trying to force me to do them.
To me living for money mean being controlled and confined, things I've been fighting all my life. I'm a free spirit, I want to be free to follow my muse, to do what my heart tells me. If you're only working for money, you're either anxious because you don't have enough of it or you're working at something you don't enjoy because you want the income it brings
Besides we have enough more or less. I can always get money when I need it. I might have to borrow it, but I can pay it back. I was brought up to believe in abundance. It's a central part of who I am. If it wasn't I couldn't be an artist. With the belief in abundance comes the confidence to reject compromises people make in order to earn money. I know that the money will come to me, and it always has. Borrowing money when I'm short doesn't bother me, and neither does lending it out when I have it. It's all part of the wheel of life so to speak. Sometimes you're down, sometimes you're up. That's just the way it goes. And I believe that one day, I'll find make money through my cartoons. I know it will happen. I wish Mary had faith in me too.
But Mary thinks that because I don't make as much money as she wants I'm a failure. Obviously, that's hard for me to take. And in our society a lot of people would say she's right. The fact that I bring at least half the income into the house is irrelevant. I guess one of my problems is that I've always been a rebel. What society says is normal has never impressed me.
In fact, I wouldn't care if Mary made all the money. As it is I do half the housework, and take care of the kids when she's at work. If she made more money, and liked her job, I'd be happy to stay home with the kids and do all the housework. Do the art part time.
She needs to understand that I'm not like other people. And that's why she loved me. That's what attracted her to me. I don't want to hurt her. But I can't sell my soul to make money. What the neighbors think doesn't bother me.
