Let's turn to each member of the in-law triangle: Luke says nothing but disappears to his workplace when his mother visits. Luke, you are crucial to improving the in-law tensions. Reassure Mindy that she is your top priority, above children, work, mother, and money. Mindy will hopefully respond with a similar declaration.

In most cultures the mother-in-law / daughter-in-law relationship is expected to be filled with thorny tensions. Folk sayings and jokes reflect the anticipated hostility between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law.

Most newlyweds have similar difficulties regarding the holidays. In a bad marriage, the couple argues about the issue. In a good marriage the couple argue, discuss, and compromise. It's good that you cleared the air about what bothers you about the other's family.

Racist Mother-in-Law Has Bad Influence on Children Dear WholeFamily Counselor, The problem is my mother-in-law and her relationship with our two children. I don't know what to do about her. My husband & I both recognize there is a problem but are not sure how to solve it. Aside from all of the typical complaints, this is the main issue: His mother spends time with our children and they come home with questions such as "Mom, why does grandma hate you?" Or comments such as "Those dirty Mexicans or blacks or druggies should all be shot", "Grandma says it's your job mom to work all day (which I do outside the home) and keep the house spotless, and be the class mom, etc.

Rarely do we have an opportunity to hear both sides of the mother-in-law problem. Here, two candid women lament their relationship. Mindy, the daughter-in-law, and her mother-in-law, who remains unnamed as mother-in-laws often do, describe their fantasy.